New Paltz Doesn't Recycle

I thought living on my own was going to be hard. I'd miss my family too much, and suddenly receiving all the responsibilities we shared, now to be carried out on my own, seemed like it would get very overwhelming. Feeding myself, being responsible for food inventory, cleaning up after myself (dishes, living room, bathroom, laundry soon), and making sure I'm on top of bills and tuition. But starting my third week it hasn't hit me too bad at all. I'm sure there will be tiring days where I'll fall behind and start to feel it all get to me, but I'm probably getting ahead of myself. It's nice only having myself to think of for a change, no rationing sodas and ice cream bars because someone else in the family might want. What's mine is mine, and though that also includes any mess I leave behind, it feels almost rewarding staying on top of everything without anyone reminding you to do so.

The title of this blog post comes from the fact that when asked about our apartment's deal with recycling, my roommate said she hasn't heard of such thing. Come to find out our complex actually does recycle, but the name is too unique to just throw out.

Quit honestly, the biggest challenge I've had to face is trying to be more outgoing and extroverted than I really am. But that's something I expected and it's one of the main reasons why I came out here in the first place. It was a bit surprising to me how friendly people here are. I've had many pleasant conversations with strangers as a person who's never had so many conversations with complete strangers. I was able to make some friends pretty quickly, yet I found myself trying to find people who looked like everybody I've known. Of course I couldn't find anyone, because all my friends and family at home are unique and incredible beings who would never be replicated or just replaced. And the same goes to all the people I've met here, everyone has been so incredible (so far), and I hope I make some lifelong connections. I have a good feeling about this place. 

Trying to get more involved, I decided to join the radio. My very first show is tomorrow, and my friend Ariana will be joining me for moral support. Feeling pretty nervous but mostly excited. Trying to keep expectations low, or just have no expectations at all so no matter what happens my feelings won't be too overexaggerated. It'll just be a music show with breaks because I am legally obligated to talk between songs (like actually). I'll put the link in the highlight's widget to the right for quick and easy access. The only thing I'm worried about is the speaking part, I have a sort of script created but I'll probably slip and stutter a bit. Even in social situations, I create guidelines for what I'd like to say to a person and once I've worked up the courage to speak, I fumble my lines and feel extraordinarily embarrassed. Whenever people ask me why I'm so quiet (which is very annoying by the way) I always shrug my shoulders even though I know the reason why. I'm too scared of messing up my lines and sounding like an idiot or making a stupid noise and having to sit with the awkwardness afterwards. I can tell when people think I'm not talking enough for their liking, but it's never really been enough to motivate me. I've tried to adopt a different, more head on mindset over here to try and overcome my quietness. My "chronic shyness" is what I like to call it. I will never understand society's contempt with people who are shy.

To further my on-campus involvement, I got a job working at the metal studio. My job is to sit in the supply room and check out tools students want to use. It's paid, which is always a plus, but I'm hoping that maybe I'll meet some cool people who make some cool stuff so I can swindle one of them into making me jewelry or something awesome like that. I think that would be nice.

Today is the 4th Saturday since I've been here, which is technically a month, but it never really feels like it. New Paltz is a beautiful town, but it still doesn't feel like I live here now. It just feels like I've been placed here, I'm just staying here for a while, and it doesn't feel like home. Because it really isn't, and I don't know if it ever will be. I don't really plan on permanently living somewhere outside the city. This is kind of just a small detour in my journey to find myself or something.

I think everything's just moving too slowly for me. I expected to do a million things by now and visit a million places and talked to a million people but I'm still right at the very beginning, but I don't want to be. Luckily, I am a very patient person, and I have the will to wait for everything. Not sure what other reflections I have for now, hopefully you guys hear from me again before the month is over.

Also: Happy birthday Talia!!!